Kaywin Hardman may not have understood that.  He’s suing the White Pines Golf Dome, an indoor golf training facility in Bensenville, IL, for $50,000 in damages after falling from an elevated platform at the domed driving range while trying to retrieve a golf club close to the edge. 

According to WBBM radio in Chicago, the suit states that the facility “allowed patrons to hit golf balls from either the ground level or from the elevated platform level,” which I’m assuming Hardman knew as he climbed the stairs.  The suit also claims that White Pines failed to post adequate notice about the danger of hitting off of the elevated tees.

No word if Lee Majors is interested in playing Mr. Hardman in the event that his story becomes a made for T.V. movie.

But just because it’s not time for golf, that doesn’t mean you can’t start preparing for when it is.  March is just around the corner, and with March comes a few nice days here and there.  With April, for most of us, comes actual spring.  Even the northernmost courses in Michigan are open by April 1.

So, with our eyes set squarely on sometime between 45 and 70 days from now, here’s a list of the top five things you can do to get ready for when golf season actually shows up; whenever that may be.

1.  Get your stuff ready.  If you’re like most bad golfers, your clubs are sitting in the trunk of your car or your basement, glazed in dirt, grass, and sand.  It’s time to clean that stuff up.  Get your grooves clean, take off the green stuff from the driving range pad, and make sure everything’s in order.  If you have worn or torn grips, it’s time to get that taken care of, too.  Trust me, the guys at the shop would love to have your business right about now.  Starting around $5 per club at most shops, it’s well worth it.

2.  Go shopping.  Last year, I snapped my sand wedge in half at the end of the season.  Don’t ask why, because I really don’t want to talk about it.  Now is the time to take care of that.  In fact, it’s a great time to stock up on a lot of stuff you’ll use this year.

For clubs, I always recommend RockBottomGolf.com to anyone interested.  While you won’t necessarily be buying the latest model, you’ll have a huge selection of great new clubs, balls, and apparel from which to choose.  An example?  You can buy a 2007 model, Cleveland HiBore XL Tour driver brand new for $99.  That price for a club that retailed close to $400 just a few years ago.  There are still folks out there trying to sell this club for $200 or more, so you can’t beat RBG’s value.  And no, nobody paid me to say that, it’s just true.

Also, you’re going to go through balls.  Probably more than most people.  Head to eBay, and search for “100 AAA golf balls,” or “100 AAAA golf balls” if you want even better quality.  Both AAA and AAAA quality used balls are going to be pretty darn close to perfect, and you’ll get them for a great price.  Last year, I bought 100 assorted Maxfli balls, AAAA quality, for less than $25 plus shipping.  Unfortunately, me being me, they’re almost gone.

3.  Look for greens fee deals.  You can save a lot of money by prepaying for your rounds, particularly during the winter months.  Last year, I found a deal for a two-year, weekday membership at a local course for just $180.  Catch was, you had to buy it before March 1st.  Even though the course is almost an hour away, it was too good of a deal to pass up.  While your deal may not be that good, you’re likely to find discounts, 2008 prices, or better if you’re looking now.

4.  Hit the heated range.  There are going to be nice days, or at least manageable days, between now and the first time you hit the course in 2009.  Chances are, there’s a heated-stall driving range somewhere near you, so even cooler temperatures shouldn’t keep you from getting your swing in shape.  It’s likely that, whatever progress you may have made last year, it isn’t going to carry 100% across a 4 or 5 month layoff.  Plus, you need to get those muscles acclimated to the twists and turns of a golf swing.  You’ll prevent some aches and pains by going out, stretching, and easing into the season.

5.  Look for help.  Finally, you’ll benefit from a lesson or two this year.  Schedule them now, and you may get a deal.  A lot of golf professionals are offering third or fourth lesson free deals.  If money is tight, and it tends to be, a group clinic may be a better option.  It’s amazing how a few small things can take you from shooting 110 to shooting 100 or better.

Winter is also a great time to have an instructor do video work with your swing.  There are indoor training facilities in your area.  If you don’t know where they are, just call a local pga professional.  They likely can point you in the right direction.

Things overheard at Doral yesterday:

“Tiger’s putts aren’t finding the bottom of the cup,”

“Hey, that’s not Vijay.  That must be his cousin Walter.”

“What’s Stenson doing over there in his underwear?”

Henrik, from Sweeden, drove the ball into the Florida swamp on the third hole.  Rather than take a swing and look like pigpen the rest of the day, Henrik decided to get back to the basics.  As he told reporters, he only had on his “jocks” and his golf glove when it came time to swing.

“I felt I would definitely save a shot by actually playing the ball.  If you are saving a shot, that’s definitely worth taking your shirt and trousers off.”

The whole thing has a real “Happy Gilmore” feel to it, and we wonder if this is the kind of thing that would get Stenson in any trouble.  Or, he might just end up with a modeling gig.  Or not.

A question recently came my way about learning the distances of your clubs. Knowing your distances is important, but there’s more involved than just assigning a number to each club, particularly if you don’t have a repeatable swing that strikes the ball the same way every time.

The pros will have somewhere around 12-14 yards between each club. If they hit a 9 iron 140 yards, they may hit an 8 iron 152-154.  A recreational golfer should have around 7-14 yards between clubs, depending upon how consistently they hit the ball in the sweet spot of the golf club. The slower your swing speed the less difference between clubs, so some people may find it just as beneficial to play with five or six clubs rather than 14.

I tell my students to go to the practice range where there is usually a 100 yard flag. Use a SW, PW, 9 or 8 iron to try and reach the flag. When dealing with distance of irons it is the distance in the air that is important (this is where you hear professional golfers talking about “carrying”). Once you have found your 100 yard club, you can add from there, knowing that you hit the next longer club about 10 yards more. So lets say you hit the your pitching wedge 100 yards.  It’s reasonable, then, to assume you could hit a 9 iron 110, an 8 iron 120, and a 7 iron 130. You can also do this with the 150 yard flag and then go backwards with the lesser clubs.

The pros will tell you that, when they play with amateur golfers during the pro-am rounds before a regular tournament, the recreational golfers just never take enough club. One pro asked his amateur partner if he could choose his clubs for him on the back 9. When the amateur thought he could get there with a 7 iron, his pro gave him a 5 iron. when he wanted to hit a 5 iron the pro gave him a 7 wood. The end result was that the amateur shot 4 strokes lower on the back 9 than he did on the front 9, and did this simply by taking more club for the second shot. The other piece of advice is to go for the center of the green rather than the pin. One college coach had his players play 9 regular holes and then took out the flag sticks on the back nine.  With no flags in sight, the golfers had no idea where the holes were and therefore were forced to go for the center of the greens. Not surprising, they shot better on the back nine than the front nine.

The other mistake they make is to think total distance rather than carry distance. If you hit a 9 iron 140 with roll a 9 iron won’t do you much good if you have a 140 yard shot over water.

Finally, remember that most greens are roughly 30 yards in diameter. This means that if the pin is in the center of the green, you can hit the ball 14 yards short or long, left or right, and still be on the green for a two putt. Even if you just miss the green you have a short chip and then a putt. Most golfers put too much pressure on themselves, thinking that they must make the perfect shot.  All they really need to do is make a shot that they have made at the range a hundred times and just get it on the green, or close to it.

While it is true that pros have a dozen shots with each club (hard, soft, cut, knock down, punch, just to name a few) the recreational golfer is far better off having one shot he can rely on and making that shot most of the time. For me it is a slight draw, but when I was younger it was a high cut which would hit the green and stop. Now that I am older, I need the draw in order to get maximum distance from my shots. However, that is max distance swinging at 70% of max power. Rarely do the golfers on tour come out of their shoes when hitting a shot. Tiger says that when he needs an extra 10 yards off the tee, he increases his swing speed to about 90% of his max force. Not 100%, just 90%.  If he needs to go up to 90%, then he was far below that for his normal swing.

So the basic principles are:

- Find your 100 yard club and/or 150 yard club, and work from there
- Take more club than you think you need, because you probably need it
- You don’t need an easy 5 iron and a full 5 iron, just a 5 iron

Remembering these fundamentals will help you find more greens in fewer strokes, and will help your scores drop like an apple from a tree.

Ron Curran, author of “Instant Golf” and the “Instant Bogey Golf” instructor, shares his golf tips with you from time to time here at DangerousGolfer.com. If you have a question about how you can improve your game, email him at ron@dangerousgolfer.com. For more info on Ron’s teaching and availability in your area, visit InstantBogeyGolf.net.

I’m sure you’ve seen the sign in the club house.  “The course and its management are not responsible for any loss, property damage or personal injury occurring during the course of play.”  The problem is that they don’t put those signs on the roads around the golf course.

According to Edward Nobello, they should.

Nobello, a 53 year-old resident of Huntington Beach, California, was driving his vehicle down a road bordering Meadowlark Golf Course when he heard a very loud “bang.”  It just happened to correspond with a sudden shattering of his windshield.

“It scared the hell out of me,” Nobello told the Orange County Register.

Eddie proceeded to file a claim for more than $250 against the city, including the cost of the windshield replacement, and wages lost during the half-day of work he missed.  The claim was denied by the city, who stated that reparation was the responsibility of the golfer whose errant shot struck Nobello’s car, not the city or the course.  Problem is, the golf course (shockingly) wouldn’t allow Nobello to run around the golf course threatening random golfers enter the course to search for the golfer who hit the ball.

Are there any lawyers in California?  There are?  Good.  ‘Cause I think I smell a lawsuit that will likely cost the city more than $250 to defend.  

For more information, read the article at the Orange County Register.

The reviews have been great, and Golf Channel certainly has to be happy with the record number of viewers that they’re getting for “The Haney Project: Charles Barkley.”  This week’s episode was eagerly anticipated, with many wanting to see if the storyline has staying power.  I have a feeling that the series finale for this one will be appointment television for golf fans everywhere, but for now, here’s what went down in episode 2.

The show starts with a reminder of how bad Charles’ swing is, with narration by folks such as Dr. J and Donald Trump.  Hank Haney reminds us that it’s not his fault if this whole thing blows up because it’s the “project beyond all projects.”

Charles is late for his second meeting with Hank due to bad traffic, but Hank thinks Charles is “wounded” from their opening day together.  Charles says it’s all good, and he’s no “girly-man.”  It’s into the video room for multiple swings with a weighted club, where Haney tries to put Charles’s swing on a better plane.  Hank applauds every piece of minor improvement, and Charles remarks that Hank’s obviously not used to “working with greatness.”

After that, it’s back outside for the dreaded ball lineup that seems to span the length of a football field.  Charles says it’s not the number of balls that is difficult, but trying to remember all of the things he’s supposed to remember.

At lunch, the producers ask Charles what the series finale should be.  Both he and Hank agree that it’s best for everyone if they don’t try to plan this thing out too much, especially “when you have this kind of problem.”

By the way, this show is obviously sponsored by Nike.  Hank and Charles always have a swoosh on their shirt, as is marked every club on the show.

Hank thinks that Charles has done well enough with irons off of tees, that Charles should get a chance with a driver.  Out comes the driver, and out comes the hitch.  Hank says it’s a huge step backwards.  Hank fits Charles with a set of headphones that creates sound based on the rhythm of your swing.  Since Charles has no rhythm to his swing, he is swinging a normal club, while Hank swings the club hooked to the device, thus showing Charles what a proper rhythm should sound like and, therefore, feel like.

Charles heads back to Philly where we see him in the Gym.  Charles, as it turns out, is also on a mission to lose weight.  He reckons he’s gained 80 pounds since he retired (just 80, Charles?), and he’s doing boxing training to shed the weight.  The way he sweats, he likely loses about 15 lbs. a day.   Looks like he’s about to take foul shots in the fourth quarter.

Then they showed that E-Trade commercial where the baby calls Frank “Shankapotamus.”  I love that commercial.

Charles is at the driving range, doing the drills that Hank showed him in Texas.  His clubs have seen so many swings of late that the head of an iron flies right off.   Charles says he misses Hank’s instant feedback, but that he’s doing the best he can. We also meet a local bartender, Dave, who is number 3 on Charles’ list of people who he wants to beat (I think he means in golf) when all of this is over.  Michael Jordan is number 1 on that list, and Tiger Woods is number 2.  Charles tells Dave that, come spring, Dave’s getting his a– beat.  So maybe he doesn’t mean golf, after all.

This episode wasn’t quite as deep on golf content, but next week is promising.  We’ll get to meet Charles’ tiny dog.  See you next week.

Each week, DangerousGolfer.com profiles the golfer who is last in the FedEx Cup standings for the current year. Each of these golfers is a professional on the PGA Tour who is better than we will ever be (by about 30 strokes per round), but it makes us feel better to know that there’s someone in last place.

For more info on how FedEx cup scoring works, click here.

———————

For the week beginning Monday, March 9th, 2009:
Name: Olin Browne
Years Pro: 15
Career Earnings: $8,505,307
Current Rank: 213
Last Event (finish): The Honda Classic (T90, CUT)
Consecutive Weeks Last: 2

Olin Browne continues his reign as the caboose of the FedEx Cup train this week, after a T90 finish at The Honda Classic.  It was his third missed cut of the season.

Browne has three career wins on the PGA Tour, with the most recent being the 2005 Deutsche Bank Championship. He also served as an assistant captain during the 2008 Ryder Cup at Valhalla Golf Club in Louisville, KY.

Being a bad or dangerous golfer is difficult enough. One thing that makes it worse is the proliferation of cell phones, video cameras and internet video sites seemingly created with the sole intention of showing the world exactly how painful (in more ways than one) your game is.

But it’s also quite funny.

To celebrate the humor of the thing, and to make me feel better about past incidents, we have a feature here on DangerousGolfer.com. We call it “Bad Golf Tube.” Each week we scour the internet for funny or painful golf accidents (and trust me, there are plenty of them). None of this tv-idiot-hit-my-friends-in-the-balls-from-four-feet-on-purpose stuff. Only clips of the natural side effects of the game of golf.

Here’s this week’s clip:

This gives us hope.  Apparently there are people out there interested in bad golf.  More than 800,000 unique viewers watched the series premiere of “The Haney Project: Charles Barkley,” according to Dan Higgins, public relations official with Golf Channel.

With that excitement bringing delusions that perhaps people would like to watch Hank Haney help me, too, we begin our series recap of THP.

The episode begins with Charles Barkley and Hank Haney in their cars en route to an initial meeting over breakfast.  We hear Charles talk about how bad he is, and how bad it hurts to be bad (I’ve sung that song).  We see the visual evidence.  Hank lets us know that he has high expectations, and says he’d like to see Charles shoot 75.  On 18 holes.

While the pupil and new student await their food, Charles states that he has great fear when standing over the ball because he has no clue what’s going to happen, including the likelyhood that he may whiff altogether.  Coming in last at Tahoe isn’t the worst part for Charles, it’s being mocked on the internet by that “a–hole,” Tiger Woods.  He also jokingly refers to his famous friend as a “flash in the pan” whose hair is “leaving us quickly.”  He goes on to say that Tiger’s imitation isn’t that good.

Haney asks Charles if he’s ready to work, challenging Barkley to a “Tiger day.”  With some of us thinking that means a day off work and a parade, Hank explains that it entails the following routine:

- 6 a.m.: Workout and lift before breakfast
- 9 a.m.: Hit balls on the practice tee
- 11 a.m.: Putt
- 11:30 a.m.: Play 9 holes
- 12:30 p.m.: Lunch
- 1:00 p.m.: Hit balls on the practice tee
- 3:00 p.m.: Short game practice
- 4:00 p.m.: Play 9 holes
- 5:00 p.m.: Putt
- 5:30 p.m.: Hit balls on the practice tee
- 6:00 p.m.: Go home to beautiful wife on palatial estate where fields are trimmed by hand with Gillette Fusion razors (I added that one)

Charles says he’s up to the challenge of a Tiger day, especially the last part that I added.

Skip ahead to day one of Project Barkley at the Haney Golf Ranch in Dallas, TX.  After watching Charles take some swings, the first thing that Haney noticed is a poor swing plane, and drastic movement of the head.  The hitch is a secondary correction to try and get back in position.  Some video illustration shows Charles his fatal flaws.  So now it’s time to hit some balls.  And he hits them.  And hits more.  And some more.  Line of balls after line of balls, Haney puts Barkley through the mill, all with the goal of keeping the head up, and getting the swing plane flatter.  Haney also admits to just “wanting to test his commitment.”  Even through a rainstorm, Charles came through it tougher and several pounds of his own water weight lighter.

After more than 1,000 swings on day one, Barkley says it’s time for the cameras to shut down, and they do.

All in all, a very fun half hour of television, and I can’t wait to see next week’s episode.  It hurts, however, to know that, at the end of the series, there will be one more golfer in the world better than me.

Each week, DangerousGolfer.com profiles the golfer who is last in the FedEx Cup standings for the current year. Each of these golfers is a professional on the PGA Tour who is better than we will ever be (by about 30 strokes per round), but it makes us feel better to know that there’s someone in last place.

For more info on how FedEx cup scoring works, click here.

———————

For the week beginning Monday, March2nd, 2009:
Name: Olin Browne
Years Pro: 15
Career Earnings: $8,505,307
Current Rank: 210
Last Event (finish): Mayakoba Golf Classic (T76)
Consecutive Weeks Last: 1

Olin Browne makes his first appearance on the FedEx cup points list this week, after a T76 finish at the Mayakoba Golf Classic at Riviera Maya, Cancun.  He had previously missed two cuts this season.

Browne has three career wins on the PGA Tour, with the most recent being the 2005 Deutsche Bank Championship.  He also served as an assistant captain during the 2008 Ryder Cup at Valhalla Golf Club in Louisville, KY.